The search for authority

I have met clients who, convinced of my authority, sit patiently in our session, awaiting their fate. As they see it, my qualifications, title and role in society determine the power of my beliefs.

They may be surprised to learn I have no interest in perpetuating hierarchical systems. The work of therapy is to midwife a client's inner authority, built on truth and experience.

For most, the idea of an inner authority sounds frightening, perhaps even dangerous. At heart, many believe order must be imposed from above, not found from within. It’s no wonder, when from our first breath it's others who determined our identity and worth, and others who continually reinforced them.

A fundamental distrust of the self lies at the root of many difficulties. When we continually deny and reject our needs in search of external authority and validation, we exist in perpetual conflict, and cease to be a coherent “self”.

It’s true that collaboration is essential to life, and each of us is limited in foresight and experience compared to general wisdom. But general wisdom, by definition, cannot answer individual problems: the problems of what to believe, who to love, what values to pursue, which choices to make.

People may live for decades or even their whole lives turned away from themselves, ignoring or squandering their inner authority. Functional by society’s standards, these people may experience a range of symptoms; they may feel empty and hopeless, fall into depression, be nagged by anxiety, or struggle to form genuine connection. Guilt and shame may compel them to keep quiet, or they may convince themselves that nothing is wrong and this is just how life is.

The consequences of these symptoms reach beyond the individual, and are far from theoretical. Throughout history, the most horrific actions were (and still are) taken by people who unconditionally surrendered their authority to a higher power. External authority is no replacement for moral judgement.

Those who seek meaning behind their struggle are faced with a bigger challenge than they bargained for: instead of a ready solution, they are challenged to grow, to question their fears and confront their needs.

To trust ourselves requires us to ask: can I be trusted? Upon reflection, which of us does not remember our mistakes, and the many times we betrayed ourselves? Faced with such facts, it’s no wonder most retreat to the safety of a higher power.

In therapy, we start by asking: can I become responsible for my life? Can I become the arbiter of my own actions, despite my fear? Can I forgive myself when I make mistakes? Am I willing to let go of what is safe in exchange for what is true?

Not every client is willing to go forward when faced with these questions, nor should they. Therapy is not the only path to growth. But these questions do not disappear; we can deny, but we cannot escape ourselves.

Most of us do not realise our own power, and those who do would not surrender it lightly. Unwavering strength is built, not found.

Art: Sochár pred svojim dielom by Mikuláš Galanda